Attack of the Chibis!
by Rikugou
Ed had a time-honored tradition that he followed strictly after each finished mission. First, he must procrastinate and waste as much time as possible before seeing the Colonel the day he got back to headquarters. Second, he greet everyone in the office and should Mustang actually be outside, then he must ignore him until he greeted the last person.
After all this is said and done, he will finally knock on the Colonel's door [or acknowledge his presence if he was out of his office] and give his report. It gave him a small glow of satisfaction each time he went through with the 'ritual'. Even when it didn't seem to make Mustang as pissed off as he liked. And Ed came out of the office frustrated as hell. This time though, it was going to be different, he assured himself.
This time...
He walked through the door.
...there was no one in the office.
Ed frowned and stopped short. It was already late afternoon, too late for lunch, and there was usually someone around. /Where is everyone?/ He walked past empty desks and chairs to the Colonel's office. He gave a perfunctory knock and walked in. "Colonel...?"
He looked around the room suspiciously as if he expected the dark haired man to jump out from the corners. There was a weird sound coming from the desk so he went to investigate and found a very...peculiar thing.
A miniature Roy Mustang, complete with arrays drawn on its tiny gloves and immaculately pressed uniform slipping off the edge of the desk. Ed grabbed it by the back of its jacket before it could fall and stared into its beady little eyes. [Actually they weren't beady at all and quite cute but he'd rather hang himself with his own hair than to admit that anything resembling Roy Mustang was cute.]
"Eh?"
The chibi Roy stared back at him and fidgeted in his grasp. Ed gave him an unamused look. "Did you shrink in the laundry or something, Colonel? Alchemical backlash? Pissed off one too many officers?" He poked at the chibi, turning him this way and that, amusing himself that the man couldn't do anything to him while he was so helpless.
He smirked evilly at the mini Roy and restrained his cackling. It wouldn't do if someone walked in and heard him. It was already bad enough he was so young and a National Alchemist, he didn't need 'insane' as part of the description.
Eventually, the chibi got irritated by his poking and tried to bite his finger off. Ed gave in to the urge to cackle and poked at it some more, snickering when the mini Roy tried to block his jabs to no avail.
The braided alchemist saw the chibi lift its hand and snap its little fingers.
His hair suddenly started burning.
Ed squawked and dropped it on the desk then proceeded to roll on the floor to put the fire out.
The chibi smirked triumphantly from the desk and blanched when he saw the singed head hover menacingly over him. Two gloved hands closed over his throat.
The door to the office opened, making Ed pause in his attempt to strangle the miniature and blink stupidly when he saw the full-sized Colonel walk in.
"Aa. Fullmetal. Have you...?" Roy spotted the wriggling chibi he was holding. "Oh, you found him."
"Huh?" Ed blinked some more and did a double take. "Isn't this...? I thought..."
"One of my more...enthusiastic fans decided to make a miniature representation of myself," Roy said in a wry tone. "Unfortunately, the personality of the mini is a bit of a pyromaniac."
Ed glared, seeing the amused twitch of the Colonel's lips when he saw his singed appearance. "How nice of you to tell me that," he growled.
"Also, I have something for you." The Colonel took something out of his pocket and dangled it in his face. "Your fan club conferred with mine and decided to make a miniature of you as well."
Ed's glare turned murderous when he saw the doll. "He's wearing a skirt. A mini skirt!!"
Roy gave him a noncommittal shrug. "Elysia was playing with him."
-END-
Comments? Criticisms?
--Rikugou
Finished: 03.22.04