Never Enough
by Rikugou
In the end, he made plans to go back to Riesenburg by himself despite numerous attempts from Mustang [now Fuhrer after so many years] to keep him in Central. Ed even gave his watch back so the smirking bastard couldn't do anything to him anymore. The military didn't have much of a hold over regular alchemists and he no longer had anything worth blackmailing with. Not for the past year. Not ever perhaps.
He packed up his things [it was quite pathetic that at age 21 he only had enough things to barely fit one suitcase] and left. Ed arrived at the sleeping town in the middle of the night without any notice so he didn't go ask Pinako for possible lodging. It was a warm night anyway and therefore it would be fine to sleep outside.
His boots kicked up dirt on the path as he continued down the path, suitcase held over one shoulder. /It's been 4 years since I've walked on this road./ At the thought, he gave a self-depracating laugh. /Ha. Didn't think I'd come back alone though./ His tired gold eyes looked up at the sky, not seeing much except his runaway thoughts.
Finally, he arrived at his intended destination, a pile of charred wood and detritus. After so many years of neglect, it laid dormant. Gathering dust and enabling plants to make new homes. It didn't serve much as a prevention to come back 'home'. Not anymore at least. There have been a large number of 'not's in his thoughts lately. Not [there he went again] that it wasn't unwarranted.
Ed tossed the suitcase down on the grass and laid back, using it as a dysfunctional pillow. He stared up at the stars, making himself as comfortable as he could. His thoughts jumped involuntarily back to the time when he was here with Major Armstrong...and Al. Turning pointedly away, the young alchemist tucked his face into his human arm and forced himself to fall into a somewhat fitful sleep.
***
The next day dawned bright and way too early. The blond tried as hard as he could to hide from the sun but when a bird landed on his braid and tried to make a nest in it, he couldn't do anything else except wake up. And attempt to transmute the stupid bird who interrupted his sleep into a roach so he could stomp on it but that's besides the point.
After his impromptu morning exercise, he dug out field rations and a bottle of water out of his suitcase. No need to bug the bean hag unnecessarily. Besides, too many uncomfortable questions would be asked and he had every intention of avoiding those as much as possible. Taking one last swallow of water, he capped the bottle and shoved it back in his case. Ed stood up and dusted off his pants. He looked over the charred skeleton of his old house with a critical eye and clapped his hands together. What he was intending was going to take the entire day, if not the entire week so it would be best if he got right to it.
His crouched and put his hands on the ground, crackling blue energy appearing over the remains of the house. An hour or so later, he swayed on his feet and sat down with an undiginified 'thump'. /It was so much easier destroying a house rather than building it./ he sighed to himself. Forcing himself to his feet, he walked into the ring of cleared space and stopped short. A small, rectangular brightly colored box laid half covered with debris, sparking blindingly in the late morning sun.
Ed poked at it with a tentative finger and hissed when he got jabbed with something pointy. He shoved his finger in his mouth and started when an unseen alchemical array activated on the strange container. There was a puff of smoke and the sudden disappearance of the box to be replaced by an envelope and two very familiar figurines. In fact, they were the two models he and his brother had made when they attempted their first array. He didn't think they had survived the fire. A bittersweet smile appeared as he remembered those bright days when their mother was still alive.
He picked up the envelope and frowned at it. Ed took out his pocket knife and slide it under the edge to open it. Taking out the letter, he unfolded it and nearly dropped the thing when he recognized Al's handwriting. The young alchemist sat down with a 'thump' as his eyes scanned the letter ravenously.
/Niisan,
If you're reading this, that means I'm dead. It's strange saying that when I'm just a decade old. The array is keyed to you so anyone else wouldn't be able to open it unless they wanted to go through a lot of trouble. I had to do a lot of research to fix it like that./
Ed shivered slightly but continued on.
/Ne, niisan. Do you remember the time when we made those animals for kaasan? She put them in a box wrapped with cloth in the bottom of her drawer. I saw her take them out once and look at them with such sad eyes. As it came closer to her death, kaasan took them out more often until she didn't have the energy to stand up anymore. I always wondered why. I think I asked you once but you growled at me. But that's okay, I know how you feel about tousan. I don't know the man so I can't really say how I feel about him./
His fists clenched in the paper. /Damn bastard, even now he haunts me./
/You know, I won't blame you at all because I'm dead. Both of us were risking our necks to bring kaasan back. It would have been nice to see her smile again. I missed her smile the most when she was gone. And you better not blame yourself, niisan no baka! There's not much I can say to you ne? Just live enough for the both of us. You were always too serious for your own good.
WAH! You just woke up so I better put this letter in the box before you find out. I think you'd kill me yourself if you saw me writing his letter.
Good bye, brother. I hope we meet again someday.
Alphonse Elric/
The paper fell from nerveless fingers. A strong breeze picked it up and carried it away. Ed stared at his empty hands and for the first time in a long while, cried for his stupidity that cost him the one person who understood him best.
-END-
Comments? Criticisms?
--Rikugou
Finished: 02.28.04